Thursday, August 18, 2005

Some things you didn't know about me

I know I haven't posted in a while, but I've been thinking over some things. And now, you may enter the tiny door to my head...

First, and I am ashamed to admit the following fact, but I feel the need to unburden myself: I am fascinated by dramatic portrayals of the mentally challenged. Completely and utterly fascinated. I'm always interested in seeing if the actor can pull off a nuanced portrayal of an adult with a diminished mental capacity, rather than just a lazy interpretation of a carefree child in a big person's body. Therefore, these roles must be played by (arguably) non-retarded actors. (And before the PC Police come breaking down my door, I was once told by a grad student studying the mentally challenged that "retarded" is a perfectly acceptable term, so go to hell). So, in accordance with this requirement, Corky on Life Goes On doesn't count. Dustin Hoffman in Rain Man, John Malkovich in Of Mice and Men, and my personal favorite, Leonardo DiCaprio in What's Eating Gilbert Grape are prime examples. The worst: Sean Penn in My Name is Sam, (ode to my friend Emily: anything starring that demon-child Dakota Fanning is just evil, pure, unadulterated eeeveeeel), the absolutely shameful The Other Sister, (sorry Juliette Lewis, but that role was hardly a stretch -- oh, and I just realized this, but Juliette Lewis was also in Gilbert Grape. I'm starting to see a pattern), Cuba Gooding, Jr. in Radio. I'm on the fence about Tom Hanks in Forrest Gump. While I think he did a good job, the whole thing is just a little too precious for my taste.

What I do not like about retarded-person-centered movies, though, is the reaction they inspire in the average movie-goer -- "Oh, those slow people, they have so much to teach us about life and love and what's really important, like butterflies." Shut up. Just because you need feelings distilled down to the lowest common denominator in order to understand them is no reason to celebrate. In fact, I think it's a pretty sad statement on the average level of emotional intelligence of the general public. Of course, Hollywood Movie People realize just how manipulative, and therefore lucrative, these movies are, so they make a lot of them. And I will watch every single one and formulate a strong, unsolicited opinion about it.

Second: I want to move. The backstory on why this statement is insane is that in the past 3 years, I have lived at 5 different addresses. Yes, five. There are many reasons for these moves, some of them even legitimate, (I was literally allergic to one apartment), but I mostly like to move because, when I am uneasy about anything in my life, I feel that I should change my environment. As if all the badness is contained in the carpet fibers. I know this is stupid and that I should get over it. And I do have a nice place now, but here's why I want to leave:
1. It's falling apart. (If you can count my dishwasher being broken and one of my cable boxes needing repair as "falling apart," and I can.)
2. It's kind of big for one person, especially one person who has to clean up all the cat hair by herself.
3. I have actually met some of my neighbors, and they insist on talking to me.

Why I shouldn't move:
1. I need to grow the fuck up one of these days.
2. That's pretty much it.

Third, I find this incredibly amusing, and possibly identifying of my new goal in life. It's a wedding announcement from the local paper:
Renee and Joseph were married June 15, 2005 by the New Castle County Clerk of the Peace in Wilmington, DE...Renee is employed as a makeup artist by M.A.C. Cosmetics. Joseph is a graduate of Berkley and is a rock star singer and songwriter. They live in Wilmington, DE.

So, if anyone knows how to go about becoming a rock star singer, (do you have to go to Berkley?), please let me know.

Okay, I guess that's it for now.

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