Wednesday, August 03, 2005

The One In Which I Rip On The Space Program and Teri Hatcher (in that order)

Those guys at NASA's P.R. Department are good. Seriously. They have managed to get the media to cover every single insignificant moment of the current space mission. That dude on CNN this morning showing us what kind of pliers they use in space? Brilliant! Fascinating! Did anything blow up yet?

NASA understands that, especially with what happened last time, everyone's really chomping at the bit for something to go horribly, entertainingly wrong. You know, because we sincerely care about those astronauts and their families, not because we like explosions or anything. So now, they put out a press release every time someone space-sneezes, and we're really on edge. Bravo, NASA.

Okay, I know this may sound harsh, and I'm really not dismissing how sad it is when people are killed, but I feel like NASA's appealing to our baser instincts to stay relevant. After all, they realize this is no longer a nation of nuclear families who sit around their console televisions to watch the moon landing. We are are the Grand Theft Auto States of America, and we like instantly gratifying violence. But I think that until they can figure out how to put a crack whore on the moon, or find this dude's home planet, they're screwed.

In other news, Teri Hatcher is releasing a book, and yet I remain unpublished and less than famous. To add insult to injury, (and it is an injury to my sense of literary justice), it's an advice book, of all things. Who decided that just because someone's well-known and attractive that they can, A: write, and B: dispense advice? What sage wisdom does this woman have to offer, anyway? How to Make A Seemingly Endless Series of Grating Radio Shack Commercials? How to Have Your Limbs Airbrush-Whittled Down to Anorexic Proportions for a Vanity Fair Cover Photo? How to Fool Everyone Into Thinking You're Not an Egomaniac By Being Self-Deprecating in Your Golden Globes Acceptance Speech? But really, I'm not bitter about the book thing.

1 comment:

Brian04 said...

I'm tired of seeing these people dressed in golf shirts and sweatpants float around in their weightlessness with their equally weightless socks and plastics spoons, drinking their tang, talking about exploration. How about exploring why I have 198 channels on cable and there's nothing on! How about exploring why an agency with a budget of $1 billion dollars glues styrofoam cups to the outside of a vehicle which travels at 26,000 mph! And how about exploring why the Phillies can't put a string of wins together! Just a few suggestions.