Slowly, yet surely, the dream is dying

My enrollment in Music Theory has gone the way of the dodo and my ability to see my feet. She's gone, ladies and gentlemen, and there ain't no bringing her back.

I knew it was going to be hard. I knew that my lack of a musical background was going to count against me, but I didn't think it would be a disqualifier, (especially since they tell you on the first day of class that you need no prior knowledge). The first few readings and assignments were difficult, but I can count to 8 so they weren't impossible, and besides, most of this crap boils down to memorization, right?

Wrong.

See, when I got to the part where I had to identify notes by ear, that's when the harmonious shit hit the melodic fan. I kind of have this rule for myself: If you spend the entire class period desperately trying not to cry/shake/vomit, and then you go home and become physically distraught over your lack of faculty with the subject, and then this in turn not only finally does make you cry but also causes you to scream new and improved combination curse words like "shitdamnfucker" and "motherdickass" and pound on your computer hard enough for it to shut itself off in fear, well, then, it's time to drop the class.

As you know, though, I also dropped the Creative Writing class and I can't add it back. So now I'm down to one class, too much free time, and a familiar and devastating sense of failure. I suppose I could look on the bright side, as in: "Now I have the time to...
... write that novel!"
...lose dozens of pounds!"
...put a new roof on my house!"

In reality, though, what it most likely means is: "Now I have the time to...
...watch General Hospital!"
...watch Days of Our Lives!"
...watch my life pass me by!"

Ouch.

So, this is just the way it worked out. I should have kept the writing class until I had figured out that I just wasn't going to be able to cut it in Music Theory, but as a result of poor planning and unrealistic optimism that the latter would surely get easier, I didn't.

And yes, I understand that, objectively speaking, one class is still better than taking none at all, but my brain is hard-wired to think in all-or-nothing terms so I'm feeling like this is pointless.

But don't worry -- you're all still invited to my graduation party on June 10, 2011. It's a Friday. Save the date.