Baby, you know I love you.
You know I'll do anything for you. I'll watch Playing By Heart (repeatedly). I won't tell anyone (else) about that whole "Jon Stewart Liebowitz" thing. I'll make sure your wife continues to think I'm your personal, on-call dental hygienist (ahem). Anything.
And you know that when I criticize, it's born of genuine affection and concern for your well-being, right? Okay then:
Please, for the love of God and my libido, don't ever, ever, EVER let them do this to your hair again...
Stay strong, my little matzoh ball.