Did you ever go to a restaurant at an off-peak time, when it was only you, your eating companion and perhaps one old man sitting at a booth by himself drinking watery coffee? And you walk in and think you're going to get a nice, quick meal because they're not busy so the waiter can pay extra attention to you? And instead it turns out to be the longest meal of your life because they're not busy and therefore not running around, seeing if your food is ready or if you need more Diet Pepsi? And the inverted logic of it all just pisses you off?
My brain is currently an IHOP at 4 p.m.
I didn't even have my one stupid class this week, because the grad student instructor cancelled it so she could go on job interviews. Which is her right and I ain't mad at the bitch, but I need some stimulation. I'm going to start banging my head against the wall like those children in Eastern European orphanages. Wait, that's not funny and I'm a bad person. Sigh.
The one thing I do have to do is a short paper for next week. Am I doing it? No, I'm watching Oprah, and I don't even like Oprah. If I was too busy to watch Oprah, I'd be doing my paper. It makes perfect sense so shut up.
Speaking of watching things on TV I don't even like, have I mentioned my new best friend, the DVR? Oh, the DVR! How I love and adore and would kill for the DVR! If you don't know, a DVR is a generic TiVo. If you don't know what TiVo is...Mom, stop reading my blog. Anyway, I got it about 2 weeks ago, and it is awesomer that the most awesome thing on Planet Awesome. You can record shit and then watch it back while fast-forwarding through the commercials! You can rewind live TV! You can freeze-frame during American Idol just when Ryan Seacrest is looking his douche-iest (see above) and therefore prolong the mocking indefinitely! Seriously, I don't know how I lived without it.
Of course, looking at the list of programs I've gone out of my way to record, it becomes quickly apparent that my television taste is decidedly lowbrow. The DVR is going to run out of memory from multiple episodes of Flavor of Love alone, and I'm not too proud of that. I could watch nature shows and CNN and be all cerebral and shit, but I believe that TV is an escape, and I don't really want to think about the world and its problems while I watch it. I think about the world's problems at work, and that's plenty.
Besides, Flavor of Love is a riot. A nervous laughter, stomach-churning riot. Really, if you ever wanted to know where women who can't get hired as strippers go, watch the show and find out. And I think at least two of them are/were men, so it's fun to look for clues.
So, yeah, my DVR is filled with F of L, American Idol, Judge Judy and The Simpsons, but at least the latter two shows offer sharp social insight and I'll debate anyone who says otherwise. Seriously. Judge Judy is the voice of reason in a world of moral decline. In fact, I have to go watch her berate a teenage mother right now.