I haven't had much to say that's funny recently, given what's going on down south, (and, incidentally, if you haven't donated money to the Red Cross or a similar organization yet, there's a special place in Hell reserved for you), but I did come across this on MSN Entertainment, and simply had to share:
Don’t ask Juliette Lewis any “stupid” questions about her former drug addiction. One fan did and faced her wrath. “Now you have kicked your drug addiction, what do you spend your cash on?” someone asked her in an online chat. “What a stupid question! I did have a drug addiction 10 years ago, but it was never a cocaine addiction so it doesn’t follow that I necessarily spent loads of money on it,” Lewis shot back. “I did do drugs, but cocaine was just not the drug of choice. And anyway, I’m only really little so I actually didn’t consume that many drugs. I never needed much so it was quite a cheap habit! Drug addiction costs much more in how it corrupts the soul than in how it corrupted my bank account."
So just remember Kids, as long as you're petite and stick to huffing paint, you'll be A-Okay.
You know, I think Juliette Lewis is shaping up to be my new Favorite Person to Make Fun Of. It was looking like Tara Reid for a while, but after watching half an episode of Taradise, I actually kind of feel sorry for her, and I really would like to try and help her. Maybe, just maybe, if I sat her down and had a good, stern talk with her, she'd start to turn it around. All that girl really needs is some AA, a decent wardrobe, and a court-ordered declaration to stay 50 feet away from Paris Hilton at all times. Oh, and to quit the entertainment industry and get a job answering phones at a collection agency, like she was born to do.
Juliette Lewis, on the other hand, is just completely batshit, and without a substance abuse problem to cloud the issue, that's just entertaining as hell. Besides, she's now in a band called Juliette and The Licks, who, according to what I've read, are deliciously horrible. And her stage wardrobe and antics produce beautiful photos such as this:
Plus, she's a Scientologist.
So thank you, Juliette Lewis. Thank you for being a bright ray of hilarious, delusional Hollywood sunshine in an otherwise very dark time. You are a great American.