Monday, September 26, 2005

What would YOU do?

Dear Reader,
Please consider the following item from the Dover Post:

Now, pretend you were me. Pretend you were a hopeless smartass with her own blog, a known duty to read the stupid local papers, and six or seven loyal readers who are just itching for you to be a heartless bitch. Pretend you are at work on a very slow Monday, and you come across this particular little photo and caption. What would you do?

Would you comment on the entity of Child Beauty-Pageantry as a whole? Would you make the obvious Jon Benet references? Would you predict dim futures for little Abigail and Shelby, destined to become nail technicians/school bus drivers/women of ill repute?

Would you make note of Crystal's fascinating hair? Would the combination of waist-length locks and highly en-product'd bangs capture your attention? Would you not even bother, since her name is Crystal and her hairstyle, therefore, is inevitable?

Or would you pay attention to the teenage-mother/daughter aspect of the whole thing? Would it be in poor taste to suggest that you couldn't get more rednecky than a beauty pageant dually won by a 19-year-old with mall hair and her eight-month-old daughter wearing a tiara?

Or would you just skip the whole thing, because you're better than that?

What would you do?


Anonymous said...

I would say the following: Nina you are a National Treasure of significantly higher quality than the Nicholaus Cage movie of the same name.
My favorite line would have to be "her name is Crystal and her hairstyle is inevitable." You are a genius. Can I give you an honorary Ph.D. in social commentary?

Dawn Withers said...

Give her two honorary Ph.Ds! Mall hair! That's perfect, just like how you've managed to capture the banality that chokes us daily.

Jumper said...

A riot. I love your sarcastic tone. Good job!