Because you never knew you needed a Toothpick Holder, but you do

My favorite collection of cheap mail-order crap is the Harriet Carter Catalogue. In it, you will find a fair amount of useful items as well as many things people clearly buy as jokes. But what truly makes Harriet Carter special is their selection of completely unexplainable, fantastically ridiculous products. In my sincere affection for the five people who are reading this blog, I shall now share a few of my favorites.

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Tree Face










You put this on a tree. In your yard. For people to look at and laugh heartily and say, "Oh, that Wilson family, they're so whimsical! Let's have them over soon for Parcheesi and decaf."

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Football Hat

Because guys aren't stupid enough when they're drinking massive amounts of beer and watching football, they need accessories.

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Lawn Ass










This delightful cherub lawn ornament comes in three separate parts, which means you could choose to just display the center piece. Yup.

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Boobercize

When you're just not bold enough to buy real porn.





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Cell Phone Bracelet










Through some sort of wizardry, the "jewels" in this bracelet light up when your cell phone rings. For the hard-of-hearing and those without any concept of what constitutes compound annoyance.




And last but certainly not least...
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Toilet Golf





















I'm just glad they used a drawing for this one.