Friday, June 09, 2006

Well, whatever

I took a little drive down I-95 to get mani-pedis in the 'burbs with mom today, (trust me, this life of leisure takes maintenance, bitches), and was treated not only to professionally applied nail enamel but some serious entertainment on the part of my fellow white ladies.

First, I was sitting in the "spa chair" getting my toesies beautified, seated next to an older woman who, rather than read a magazine like a sane person, decided that the best way to pass the time was to stare at me. During a brief pause in her critical inventory of Yours Truly, she announced to the lady doing her nails, "I've never shaved my legs. Never! I just don't have any hair, I guess. And when I was younger, my hair was so blonde that it didn't show up. My friends were always shaving, shaving, shaving, because, you know, once you start you can never stop."

I really wish someone had told me that last bit was I was 12, because now I'm fucked.

Anyway, a little while later, while I sat across the room getting my fingernails done, I was again seated next to an older gal, although this one, thankfully, wasn't all that interested in me. In fact, she was pretty silent until she decided to pay the (Asian) nail technician a "compliment":

Customer: You know, it's a known fact that you people are better at doing nails than Americans.
Nail Tech: Mmm.
Eva Braun: No, I mean it. My daughter told me that. She said, "Mom, go to the Chinese people. They do it better." And you do.
Nail Tech: Mmm.
Barbara Bush: Is that what you are? Are you Chinese?
Nail Tech: No.
Ann Coulter: What are you, then?
Nail Tech: I'm Vietnamese.
Phyllis Schlafly: Well, whatever you are, you do good nails.

Ah, multiculturalism. I'm absolutely convinced that when the nail techs speak to each other in their native languages, they're not so much saying "I need more cotton balls at station 4" so much as "this fat white lady just said some more stupid shit. And her feet smell."

Anyway, I'm back in the city now, where the racism is overt and the trains don't run on time.

Have a good weekend, whatever you are!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

HAHA HA HA!!! I especially love your "suburband white girl" translation of nail tech native-language convos. Hilarious. What colors did you get? I suspect red toes, french on the mani.