Tuesday, April 26, 2011

In case you didn't get the memo

WARNING: The following words are not upbeat. I probably shouldn't even post this, given that I've always tried to keep what I say online fairly superficial and extrospective (that's the opposite of introspective. Don't question me, I've read a lot of fancy books), but this is what's on my mind. If you want to skip it and go visit Cute Roulette instead, then by all means...

Today was rough. I heard some very sad news about a friend and I've been reeling from it all day. I'm not going to get into it -- it's not my story to tell -- but, scientifically speaking, it really fucked with my head.

Let's just say this: Life isn't fair, and realizing that, accepting it, and moving on is perhaps a working definition of maturity. It's hard to move on, though, when your past keeps pushing you into the lockers and giving you wedgies.

I don't know about you, but when bad things happen to other people, my brain tends to bring the focus back around to me, and not in a good way. Everything negative in this world is just a big arrow inward, pointing at my own defects and mistakes. Don't get me wrong -- I don't think I'm a bad person, just perpetually and irrevocably flawed. If literature has taught me anything, (see above re: fancy books), it's that most people feel this way to some degree. If you don't, odds are I don't like you very much and I think your scrapbooks are stupid.

But what do you do with it? I guess, most days, you get up and try to be better than you've been. Those are the good days. On the bad days, well, you try not to think about it and hope something deliciously shitty is on TV. Thankfully, there's no shortage of that. Bad TV is so therapeutic that I'm pretty sure that Andy Cohen has a background in clinical psychology.

To be fair, today wasn't all bad. I had off from work, went to Costco, paid people to wash my car and paint my toenails, and watched this:

So all in all, I'll be okay.

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